


dave is a culturally insensitive asshole

by artistsRevival



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alien Cultural Differences, Alien Culture, Boys in dresses, Cultural Differences, F/M, I'm Sorry, M/M, all hail queen rose, but not for the reasons you may think, dave being a total dick, dave being a transphobic dickweed, i had to paint him in the worst light im, im sorry i wrote this at like 3am like the rest of my works, rose being a scary feminist, sorry - Freeform, sorry so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-27
Updated: 2014-06-27
Packaged: 2018-02-06 10:43:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1855141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artistsRevival/pseuds/artistsRevival
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>edit 2017: i wrote this when i was thirteen </p><p>Troll gender norms are confusing, Dave’s an asshole, and Rose is scary.</p><p>(Warning for cis white Dave being slightly transphobic. Apologies, I had to paint him as a major dickface here. ALSO, this is utter shit. Read at your own risk.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	dave is a culturally insensitive asshole

**Author's Note:**

> i should really be working on the next installment in Merfolk/In-Between but eh
> 
> Yeah, okay, this takes place on the meteor but let’s forgive my inconsistencies and forgive my erifef and also forgive the fact that like everyone’s alive. I’m sorry, I just really wanted this to happen, fuck.  
> This was inspired by this post —> http://ask-gallows-callibrator.tumblr.com/post/89971626244/sadimami-fuck-your-human-gender-norm-ive it’s a great headcanon. I took some liberties here and there to decide who would be wearing the dress. In troll society, dresses are considered male clothing, because they are inconvenient to fight in and women are the dominant gender. Typically in red male on male relationships, higher blood castes wear the suits and the like on dates, while the lower castes wear the dresses. Unless they don’t really want to. Fuck I dunno. I kind of just wanted Karkat and Eridan in dresses and Feferi and Sollux in suits.

Alright, so you’ve been in a (mostly) decent matespritship with Sollux Captor for awhile now. And, knowing this asshole, you assumed you’d be the one to ask, but he never ceases to surprise you.

"Hey, KK," he says, "y’know, how about we go out on a date? I mean," he snorts, "whatever countth ath a date on thith lump of rock."

You’re taken aback - who wouldn’t be? This is _Sollux Captor_ you’re dealing with, since when does he get romantic?

"Uh," you start, looking up from the novel you were reading, "is this seriously you? Is this the actual Sollux Captor speaking? Since when did you get all fucking romantic?" You roll your eyes at him from across the couch. 

"Thinthe you thtarted being a whiny athhole about how we never do anything, which hath been for, like, ever." He rolls his eyes in return. Or, you think he does - it’s hard to tell with those freaky pupil-less orbs of his. 

"Fuck," you groan, "I’ve gotta alchemize a dress, then, don’t I. You asshole." 

"Yeah, KK, too bad everyone knowth your blood colour now." He snickers. 

"Yeah, alright, fucknuts, it must feel so good to be a higher blood caste than somebody for once in your life." You glare at him halfheartedly.

"That, and I know you’re way too engrothed in thothe fucking romantheth to jutht not wear a dreth, traditionth mean way too much to you." He shifts his position and throws a skinny arm around your shoulders. 

"I hate it when you’re right, you know that, don’t you?" You flick him in the forehead. He laughs.

"That’th why I do it."

"Asshole." You sigh. "Guess I’d better go do that, then. If I’m not back in an hour, please kill Dave." His nasally laugh follows you as you step out the door and transportalize to the alchemiter. 

When you return, it’s with a nice dress, black with glimmery-yellow accents in tribute to Sollux. It’s got a shoulder bared and swoops down in folds of a nice dark fabric, the yellow strips in the material giving it some colour. It’s knee-length. Sollux nods in approval when he sees it. His own outfit is actually nice.

The dress shirt is a bright carmine, to match your blood, and while once you might have cringed from it, now it just looks kinda nice on him. The dual piercing’s he’s got in each ear are, unsurprisingly, red and blue - along with the two in his lip and the two in his tongue (your face heats up nearly imperceptibly at the thought of the last time you felt those piercings) - and his hair actually looks like it might be under control for once. You roll your eyes at his little eyebrow-wiggle in your direction. "Alright, assmunch, how about it?" You hold it up so he can see. 

"Nithe, KK. I’ve alwayth thaid you look theckthy in my colour."

"Do not try to say that word. Just don’t. You make it sound like the most unsexy thing to exist on this meteor, excepting maybe Strider." You scoff at him and start walking off to change. 

"Heh. Theckthineth, KK. Thuthuruth. Thenthational." He follows you, whispering in your ear and grinning like an idiot with an arm slung around your shoulders. You snort and grin a small grin. Sollux is one of the few people to have ever seen you smile, and one of even fewer to be the one you’re smiling about. 

You’re gonna skip the part where he decided that licking a stripe up your neck would be a good idea, and then especially the part where he - yeah. Nah. We’re skipping that. That’s irrelevant. What matters is that you walked out the door about half an hour later, looking decent and like a couple should. Which means that he gave you a fresh bruise on the shoulder that wasn’t covered. Thanks, Sollux.

You’d heard from Eridan earlier that he’d had the same idea Sollux had and was going out that night with Feferi. You also asked him if he was going traditional or not. He said traditional. You honestly couldn’t wait to see what his pompous, highblood ass had cooked up for a dress. The flash of magenta in front of you said you had to wait no longer.

"Oh, my god," you say when you see the full spectacle.

Which wasn’t so much a spectacle as something fucking amazing, wow.

He looked good, actually, the halter-top dress kind of suiting him. It was flowing and elegant and made of chiffon and silk, with gold accents. It looked really nice. Feferi looked pretty good, too, in the whole fucking tux she had on, royal purple gracing every accent. 

"Hey, fishfucks," you say and you can feel Sollux stiffen beside you at the sight of Eridan. Eridan’s grin drops a tiny fraction when - oh shit, you’re shocked.

Eridan ignores Sollux and just looks at you. "Lookin’ nice, Kar," he says simply. Sollux and Feferi shake hands, and then Feferi bursts out laughing while Sollux snorts. You just shake your head. 

"Thanks, I guess. You’re not looking too bad yourself. Good decision to forgo the hipster-ass cape." You pause to consider. "And the scarf, but -"

You’re rudely interrupted by the most obnoxious laughter in the planet.

"Oh, Jegus, what the fuck is going on?" Dave Strider is cackling madly from across the room. Your face heats up.

"Hey, bulgecrunch, just because you’re a socially inept wriggler who can’t tell a possible matesprit from his own ass doesn’t mean the rest of us are. We’re going on dates, are you fucking blind with those glasses on?"

He almost stops, and then looks at you, and then he laughs harder. He’s leaning on the wall now. 

"No - fuck, I mean - snrk - what’s with - snort - what’s with the dresses?" He’s wiping his eyes. "You all got some weird kinky foursome goin’ on here?"

"Uh," you stare at him uncomprehendingly. "What’s your damage?" Now it’s his turn to look confused.

"Bro," he starts, slowly, like he’s talking to a young wriggler, "why are you and Fishdick wearing dresses?"

You’re way past confused now. Was this not a thing in his society? "Well, I’m a lower blood caste than Sollux, and Eridan’s lower than Feferi. So we’re in dresses. Why shouldn’t we be? Does you fucked-up human society consider dresses sexual or something?" 

"Uh - 'kay, I’m having issues getting this straight," he’s genuinely confused. What. "Dresses are girls' clothes, Karkles, and you’re not a girl as far as I can tell. I dunno what you might be hiding under that skirt, so I dunno."

"First of all," you start, "that’s a completely inaccurate thing to say, because as far as junk goes, trolls are all almost identical." Your face burns red when Sollux elbows you and grins. "I said almost, shut the fuck up. Anyway, second of all, in our society, dresses are typically guy’s clothing? Like, do you know how inconvenient it is to fight in this shit? Females are the dominant gender, assfuck. They’re fucking psycho - no offence," you glance at Feferi. She just grins and gives a thumbs-up. "The fat pads on their chest, stomach, and sides protect vitals." You roll your eyes. "Try being a bit more culturally sensitive next time, you major prick." With a huff, you turn from his openmouthed expression, slide your arm around your skinny matesprit’s waist, and walk off. Eridan follows with Feferi’s hand in his own.

Feferi breaks out laughing and Sollux joins in, while you and Eridan fume silently.

Date night goes better than planned with a double-date.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your name is Dave Strider, and you’re fucking confused. Also a bit scared. Definitely a bit scared. Your ecto-sister stands in front of you, looking extremely unimpressed and vaguely angry. 

"Dave," Rose says in a tone of voice that lets you know you’re in for it. "Were you, by any chance, assuming that someone’s gender is defined by their genitalia?" Her violet eyes pierce into your soul.

"Uh," you say stupidly. "That’s what gender is."

"No, Dave." She sounds almost sad. "That is sex. Now," she whispers, close to your ear. "If you fuck up one more time, if you are a disgusting, transphobic pig once more, you will hear from me about it." 

You nod.

"Just keep in mind that gender is not defined by one’s sex. You could have badly triggered any dysphoria Karkat had. Thankfully, you did not, but next time-" she breaks off and glares into your eyes. You feel like a hundred blackened tentacles are ripping your existence apart. "Never assume anything. It makes an ass out of you and me, and could trigger someone’s repressed dysphoria." She turns sharply and walks off.

You whimper. You are never fucking with Rose. You are also going to Google everything about gender you can find.


End file.
